Donkeys in NASCAR

NASCAR had one of those weeks where, once again, you were forced to root for debris cautions in order to collect the cars and force them to race- if just for a lap or two. This boring, stupid race package on these mid-sized tracks once again led to serene parading for lap after lap after lap after lap. This leads to insane scary maneuvering for a lap or two after every re-start. As alluded to above, this is the only chance- when the machines are bunched together- most drivers have of catching anyone.

We had all settled down to watch the last fifty laps of yet another “exciting” Michigan-style “fuel mileage run” finish- watching Matt Kenseth’s crew grimly repeatedly answer TNT’s questions on gasoline status. Jeff Gordon was repeatedly implored to “save us some gas”. Fortunately, Jeff Gordon was not satisfied with having much the better car over the last fifteen laps- but instead decided his victory would be more emphatic and pleasing if he simply wrecked Matt Kenseth with three to go.

Gordon took Kenseth out so clean you would have thought he was getting points for how many complete rotations Kenseth did before coming to a halt.

Increasingly, Gordon goes out there and drives like an ass- completely above sanction- because NASCAR has gone out of its away to assure him he is. For example, at Bristol this spring, he physically attacked Matt Kenseth- and was placed on probation with a fine.

But fines and probation plainly mean nothing to Gordon. Nothing. And point penalties are not going to cost him his ride. What does he care? Proof? On the very day that Mike Helton embarrasses himself by allowing TNT to film his “new tough talk” to the drivers on sportsmanship in the pre-race meeting, Jeff Gordon goes and wrecks the one guy, the singular guy, he is on probation for physically assaulting.

Isn’t Helton ashamed? But Gordon knows Helton ain’t ever gonna park him- and other drivers, particularly those whom being fined and losing points will hurt- have to tolerate Gordon’s increasingly out of control antics.

Of course, I don’t condone throwing things at participants. Ever. But why did the 80,000 or so in attendance boo and jeer so lustily and throw stuff? Why have the two instances in the forever history of NASCAR that involved fans hurling objects involve the #24 in the past year? Because they are tired of this fink, tired of his enfant terrible attitude, tired of watching the guys they root for get spun and beaten because NASCAR refuses to discipline their child.

I mean, Jeff Gordon is on probation for striking Matt Kenseth. Then he goes and wrecks him for no reason. None. What does he have to do to get suspended? Seriously? Wreck Kenseth another four times? Then will Helton park him?

In other news, Juan Pablo Montoya will quit Formula One racing for NASCAR in 2007:

"I think the challenge to drive a Cup car is going to be tough. When the offer came and I saw the racing you guys do here, I was really ecstatic about it. I’m glad to be here. I think Chip has great guys around the team and to join them - they’ve already told me 'whatever you need' - and I’m excited about that. To learn and deal with myself more as a driver, I think it’s just great.”

Welcome Juan! Bring your helmet; we do a little more rubbin' here than you're used too. Again, Jeff Gordon almost killed someone deliberately yesterday for having the temerity to lead the race for 90 laps.

But our victory will not be complete until Schumacher climbs into a car with a giant detergent logo on it. And the Taco Bell 500 sponsored by the US Army is held at Nurburgring.